The days of hanging out in a friend’s back yard after school or cruising around the neighborhood on bikes are being replaced by 8-yr olds running in 80-degree heat to cut weight for Pop Warner kiddie football weigh-ins (true story) and middle school children being dropped off for early morning swim practice with a mug of coffee (also true).

From athletics to academics to music, there seems to be more pressure than ever for children to become overachieving whiz kids who will get into all the right schools and have successful high-income careers.

And to hear parents, teachers, and administrators tell it, the stress is evident, even if the kids can’t quite articulate what they are experiencing.

There are good questions being raised about whether this pressure is helping or hurting our students’ likelihood of success in the long run as creativity is a necessarily messy process, that will only flourish to the degree that mistakes and “failure” are accepted as temporary points of reflection along the way.

But regardless of whether this pressure has a net positive or negative effect on our kids, the issues are amplified when our students don’t have the tools to handle this kind of stress effectively.

But how do we bring up such a topic with young children? And what are we supposed to say, anyway?

“It’s ok, you don’t have to get on stage if you don’t want?”

“Suck it up and get your butt out there?”

We could certainly shy away from talking about it. But then that sends the message that they shouldn’t feel what they feel, that being nervous is bad, that there’s something wrong with them if they feel anxious, that they’re abnormal, that performance stress is a taboo subject, or something to fear.

So how can we talk about performance pressure, nerves, and stage fright in the most open, natural, and helpful way?

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Do you remember the episode of Friends, where Chandler couldn’t smile for the camera?

That was me on Friday morning. I was getting some new pictures taken and struggling mightily to fake my most sincerest smile. It was rainy outside, my tummy was grumbling for chili cheese omelets and chocolate chip pancakes, and I really didn’t feel like getting into a smiley mood.

And then, in an act of desperation, I tried something that optimized my mood for more smiles, and led to a complete transformation in my smiley-ness. In fact, I couldn’t stop smiling, and there were some pictures in which I was smiling too much (I’ll tell you what I did in a moment; it’s one of those really simple things that’s so obvious once you hear what it is).

What does this have to do with performance?

Researchers have found that one’s mood, whether it’s anger, confusion, depression, fatigue, tension, and vigor (those are the standard six that sport psychologists have tended to focus on), can enhance or impair performance, making the ability to self-regulate one’s mood states an important skill for athletes (and musicians) to develop.

So how exactly do athletes get into the mood?

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You know those days when you reeeeally don’t feel like practicing, but the guilt compels you to look for something you can rationalize as a reasonably productive alternative?

Like listening to recordings on YouTube.

Or going to the museum to take in the artwork of a time period that matches the repertoire you’re playing.

Or reading blogs about music (Wait! Is that why you’re here right now?!).

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The Key to Better Performances and Crispier Waffles

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I was a big fan of the X-Men comics growing up, and thought that having a cool mutant power like moving objects with my mind would be pretty sweet. So naturally, I spent some time practicing that elusive skill. My efforts centered around trying to get leaves to fall from tree branches or specific blades [...]

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Why We Should Eliminate “Shoulds” From Our Vocabulary

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“I should practice more.” “I should be able to memorize this faster.” “I should be able to play this better by now.” “I should eat more fresh veggies.” Sound familiar? The word “should” is a common fixture in our daily vocabulary. But it’s a word that does more harm than good. And one that I think should (oops!) be [...]

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The Most Valuable Lesson I Learned From Isaac Stern

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One summer, I had the good fortune to attend a 3-week chamber music program in Israel with my piano trio. The faculty was a dream team of musical legends and performers (Isaac Stern, David Finckel, Leon Fleisher, Natalia Gutman, Joseph Kalichstein, Henry Meyer, Steven Tenenbom, and others) who coached us every day. It was the most memorable [...]

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How Do We Deal With an Audience That Looks Bored?

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I watched a student perform the other day, and noticed that she kept sneaking glances at the audience…presumably to gauge their reaction. For a moment, I was tempted to make funny faces or assume a look of horror to see what would happen. But that seemed like a mean thing to do, and besides, I [...]

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