“I should practice more.”
“I should be able to memorize this faster.”
“I should be able to play this better by now.”
“I should eat more fresh veggies.”
Sound familiar?
The word “should” is a common fixture in our daily vocabulary. But it’s a word that does more harm than good. And one that I think should (oops!) be eliminated from our vocabulary.
What’s the big deal?
On one hand “should” is just a word, and as my first grade teacher always said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
Except that the whole sticks and stones premise is a bunch of baloney if you ask me. Words can absolutely hurt, and often cut deeper than any stick or stone ever could.
Um…so how is it that the word “should” is holding us back?
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One summer, I had the good fortune to attend a 3-week chamber music program in Israel with my piano trio. The faculty was a dream team of musical legends and performers (Isaac Stern, David Finckel, Leon Fleisher, Natalia Gutman, Joseph Kalichstein, Henry Meyer, Steven Tenenbom, and others) who coached us every day.
It was the most memorable and impactful few weeks of my musical life – but easily the most stressful, intense, and eye-opening few weeks as well.
I still find myself thinking about what I learned there on a weekly (if not daily) basis, but there is one thing that stands out as the most enduring lesson I learned from Isaac Stern that summer…
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I watched a student perform the other day, and noticed that she kept sneaking glances at the audience…presumably to gauge their reaction.
For a moment, I was tempted to make funny faces or assume a look of horror to see what would happen. But that seemed like a mean thing to do, and besides, I don’t have that large a facial vocabulary.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s not a problem to look out into the audience per se, but we have this unfortunate tendency to scan the audience for the wrong things.
Under pressure, we are prone to focusing on threats, so we tend to notice the bored, disinterested-looking folks, and quickly go from “Hmm…is that person falling asleep or just listening with his eyes closed?” to “This doesn’t seem to be going well…I don’t know what I’m doing…I sound like crap…I don’t deserve to be on stage…I should never ever perform again…”
How can we avoid this negative spiral of doom when we look out into the audience and are greeted by a sea of sour-looking faces?
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